setyourspiritfree: nuclearbummer: this is my new favorite video Hercules reads his script entirely wrong (reads the word disappointed, when he was supposed to sound disappointed) Stage directions… LMAO. I’m still laughing.
List of songs that are obviously about murder
generaldopeness: It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects No Air by Jordin Sparks Take You Down by Chris Brown We had more Dana, what were they? One was about forgiveness…do you remember?
Snakes, I hate Snakes.
My dad, Moy (his girlfriend), and I drove out of Hua Hin, down a road windier then you can imagine, to the edge Thailand. At the Burma border, the jungle is so thick and green and deep, that you can imagine Indiana Jones dodging booby traps left and right in order to find a hidden temple, filled with golden Buddha idols (but only the Indiana Jones from Raiders, Temple, or Last Crusade - I like to...
Boyfriend: So, I'm not gay or anything, but I could watch Ryan Reynolds chop wood all day...
Brian: Yeah...pretty much.
You know how when Beyonce has to go on stage and be all fabulous she calls...– Me (Who votes that Obsessed looks like the worst/best movie ever?)
Mom: (After discoving Adam Lambert is openly gay) You know, why would he want to win something like this?
Me: Well, it's a great opportunity and besides, it's not like American Idol hates gays or anything, I mean, they let Ryan Secrest host the show.
…So I have a confession to make: I am thirsty for travel, it’s the kind of thrist that doesn’t exist in your throat and isn’t signified by a dry tounge. It’s more of a thirst from somewhere beneath my skin. The skin on my face says, “send me to a different climate,” the skin on the bottom of my feet exclaims “let me dip into dirt, or sand, or...
Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth...– Einstein
Everyone deserves to get texts like this...
From Phil: “I wish my job was to be with you and kiss your beautiful face all day”
The only tragic thing about ‘Romeo and Juliet’ is that they took too...– me, in my anger at having to do another Shakespeare essay
When you look like I do, it’s hard to get a table for one at...– Zach Galifianakis
If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas,...– Jack Handy
Speaking of marvels, I am alive together with you, when I might have been alive with anyone under the sun, when I might have been Abelard’s woman or the whore of a Renaissance pop or a peasant wife with not enough food and not enough love, with my children dead of the plague. I might have slept in an alcove next to the man with the golden nose, who poked it into the business of stars, or...
I love you like the child loves his mother, like silent pits love their depth I love you like halls love the light like the soul loves the flame, like the body loves repose. I love you like all mortals love living until they die. Every single smile, movement, word of yours I keep like the earth keeps all fallen matter. Like acids into metal so my instincts have burnt your dear and beautiful form...
X-Box 2: Electric Bugaloo
From work, Phil sends me this text: “I miss you X-box…I mean Kelly…I mean…I miss you Kelly”
Phil brings home a X-box
Kelly: What is that?
Phil: I knew you weren't going to be happy
(Later after Kelly glares alot at Phil)
Phil: So what do you want to do tonight?
Kelly: Well, I wanted to make smores, but we don't have anything to heat them up with
Phil: Well...we could just use the fire of your RAGE!
What a Dog Perhaps Hears
If an inaudible whistle blown between our lips can send him home to us, then silence is perhaps the sound of spiders breathing and roots mining the earth; it may be asparagus heaving, headfirst, into the light and the long brown sound of cracked cups, when it happens. We would like to ask the dog if there is a continuous whir because the child in the house keeps growing, if the snake really...
On Matthew McConaughey
Phil: (channel flipping) What? Matthew McConaughey was in an episode of Sex and the City?
Kelly: Yeah...he was!
Phil: What did he play?
Kelly: I think he played an actor.
Phil: Oh...that's a stretch.
Kelly: Yeah it is...for him.
Take it easy. But take it.– Woody Guthrie
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several...